Bring on the Chaos

So here we are… July. The year if half-over. WTF happened? I started the year with such good intentions. So focused. So prioritized. This was going to be my year. I’ll be frank. The pandemic has been disruptive to say the least. A serious distraction. Throw in some crucial conversations and reflections about the privilege I am surrounded by and it is hard to keep perspective, experience any traction or progress forward.

I left RISE in January with a promise to give myself grace. I’m batting maybe 50/50 on a good day. But, isn’t awareness part of the journey? This past month I took a time out to head to Marquette to just think. I spent 48-hours reflecting on my writing, my career, my life, and frankly, what’s next. I left more confused than ever (although I did crank out a few more chapters of my book). With all of that said, I am making progress on one thing – embracing chaos.

Chaos is not my thing. I’m a planner. I love to do lists and planning vacations and checking off boxes. I’ve been known to make an itinerary of my chores or task list for the day, complete with bathroom breaks to feel as though I accomplished something. Now, I spend my days assuming they are going to blow up in my face. That things are going to go awry. And you know what? As much as I don’t love it, I’m starting to embrace it.

So, as I turn the page on the second half of MY year, I’m doing my best to find time in the chaos to write. To hike. To exchange meaningful conversations with those I love. To dream. But, I’m also trying to live in the chaos that is my new norm. To acknowledge that the unknown isn’t always bad… just different.

It’ll be interesting if/when we ever turn the page on this pandemic. If we/I squander the lessons learned from these tough but livable times. In the meantime, I keep writing the book. One sentence at a time. I may not hit my milestone deadlines or check the chapters off as finished in a timely fashion. But movement is movement. And somewhere in the chaos, some stories are unfolding that I want to share with the world, even if nobody in the world wants to read them. Stay tuned… a book is on the way.

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