Alignment Check

Today marks the second half of 2022, a natural time to check-in on how the year is going. I kicked off the year focused on the word enough.

In a world that seems to be on the constant quest for more (myself included), I wanted to remind myself that in this very moment I am enough. That I have all that I need. That, the life I am living, is in fact enough.

The reminder comes on the heels of a few years of some serious soul-searching, personal growth and grief. A time that allowed me to slow down and ask myself, what is it that matters and am I living my life in alignment with those values.

Most days, the answer is yes. But, acknowledging that is easier said than done. I’d be lying if I didn’t find myself getting caught up in the rat race of not enough. Of the pressure to do more, be more, work more, and hustle harder. That somehow if I don’t start my day in the middle of the night with an intense routine personal and professional growth, I am failing. If I don’t lose the weight and hide the wrinkles and get the promotion and be the rockstar mama, I am not living my best life. PS, this imaginary perfectionism I find myself sometimes chasing should also look effortless.

A work in progress, right? The fact that I can catch myself doing this is a step in the right direction. A small step, but an important step.

I’m 44-years old and find myself without a plan. I’m living in the moment and trusting that as long as I continue to show-up and do my best everything will be ok.

My relationship with faith remains complicated, but I’m finding comfort in acknowledging that as much as I want to believe that I can control what happens to me, there is something bigger watching out for me.

I have found such joy in saying no. To gently creating protective boundaries around my time and heart, allowing space to be curious and allocate extra time to that which means the most to me.

James Clear continues to wreak havoc in my life. Six months in, and I find myself finding ways to ensure I get my 150 minutes of movement in every week, no exceptions. I write every day, even if it to just capture some gratitude, shoot a note to a friend, or jot down the latest joke my son told me.  Last month I turned in a book proposal in a Hail Mary attempt to share my lessons on loss. Even if rejected, I’ll find a way to publish my story. These daily habits don’t come easy but they are simple. Achievable. And in alignment.

My garden is growing – weeds and all. This week my son and I shared a few strawberries before heading to yet another baseball game. The simplest of simple moments created by chance. But, to experience it fully present is more than enough. It is everything.

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