My advanced copies of my book Now What? Navigating Life After Loss arrived last week. At first, I couldn’t open the box. When I did, I was struck with panic. Then fear. And finally, a moment of relief.
I started this story nearly 27-years ago when I lost my mom. Over and over again I’ve attempted to put to paper the impact loss has had on my life. In my head, this story I could never get right would be my final gift to mom.
I wanted it to be perfect. To capture the incredible bond that I still share with her, even today. To pay tribute and honor to the women who made me.
When my dad died two years ago, the desire to capture our bond on paper was equally as strong. After all, they both live on in me.
A part of me expected and hoped grief would be easier this time around. That perhaps our story would be easier to write. I was wrong.
I started to wonder if these stories would take the rest of my life to get right. I still don’t have the answer.
What I do know is that after decades of living with loss, I know I’ll never get over losing someone or something I truly love. Instead, I live without it. I evolve and change and learn to exist in a new world – and that is in fact the price of admission to a life well-lived.
I wouldn’t wish loss on anyone. But a life without anything worth losing is no life at all. I wish someone had told me that years ago. Instead, I kept waiting. Waiting for the day when I didn’t miss mom or wonder about the one who got away or the career I passed on. The friendship that faded or the son I never met. I miss the days when faith was effortless but came without the complexities of enduring complicated times. When therapy seemed like something you saw on television and my largest existential crisis was whether I could in fact go out with every boy in my 5th grade class (I got pretty close).
It is these losses that make me who I am today. I wouldn’t be the mother, friend, wife, sister, employee, runner, gardener, writer, and dreamer that I am without these experiences. I cannot separate the two.
Timing matters. I dreamed of finding an agent, scoring a publishing deal and penning the perfect book for my parents. Maybe someday that’ll happen but I have years to go before my writing is strong enough. In the meantime, this story weighed on my heart. I needed to tell it my way and now, messy and imperfect but real, just like me.
I asked my former co-worker and friend Brandy Craig to design my cover. Sunflowers played a powerful role in reckoning with my father’s death, as did my inner Sisu, which is now proudly inked on my wrist. She captured it perfectly, even adding a dragonfly, which is often attributed to the spiritual world and is a visual reminder that our loved ones are always nearby. My friend Kate Deering did the layout. A new friend Nikki Kallio helped me on the editorial side of things.
And so, here it is. My story of loss. Big loss, small loss, ordinary and extraordinary loss. And what comes next. How time keeps moving. How incredible our bodies are at emotionally multi-tasking. How life keeps going. How we keep going. Only to love and lose again.
Now What? Navigating Life After Loss officially launches on April 6. Print and kindle versions are available for pre-orders now on Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/Now-What-Navigating-Life-After/dp/166788249X/.
You can also order it now here: https://store.bookbaby.com/book/now-what2
Every pre-sale matters. If you’re considering buying this book at all, please consider making the purchase now. It’d mean the world to me! I’m also planning to have a book signing event in mid-April and am working on getting copies in area book stores. If you have any connections or contacts, please let me know!
And, if you haven’t yet, consider signing up for my newsletter. This website will be going away soon as I venture into a new platform so this will be a great way to stay connected! Sign up today here: https://view.flodesk.com/pages/6370e15181bc8568aa6e6c25
4 thoughts on “Pre-Orders Now Available”
I ordered my copy, looking forward to reading it.
Thank you Deb!
Ordered! I’m so excited for you, Beth!
Thank you! Not just for ordering but for everything. Your comments helped me so much!!! I cannot wait until we can hang out again and celebrate both of our books!